Pure Madnesson

News and politics from Madison, Wisconsin... with a twist. Everything contained herein is intended as satire. Please do not take it too seriously. It's pure madness! . Email Pure Madnesson at puremadnesson@yahoo.com.

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

 

President Agrees to Abide by Madison's Wishes

President Bush announced today that he will withdraw all troops from Iraq immediately on the evening of April 4, 2006 if the majority of Madison's residents vote to do so. In November, representatives of the Bring the Troops Home Now campaign submitted nearly 19,000 signatures to place a referendum on the spring ballot in Madison.

In a letter to Mayor Cieslewicz, President Bush writes, "While it's against my better judgement to bring the troops home until my Daddy tells me to, I will do it sooner if the people of Madison think it is best." The mayor was surprised to receive the letter. Mayoral spokesman George Twigg says that the mayor is happy that Madison is finally being recognized as the important city it is. According to Twigg, "Madison has been a leader on so many fronts. We increased the minimum wage, forcing the state to take action. Now our call for peace forces action on the national level. We have become a superpower."

Representatives of the Bring the Troops Home Now campaign are also delighted. Chairman Steve Burns says the group expected to make a difference with its grassroots effort but never expected it to have this kind of success. He thanks the City Council for accepting the group's desires and sending the issue to referendum, saying, "In the past, the Council has passed resolutions similar to this, and the federal government has never acted on those resolutions. In this case, people power made the difference, so how could Bush say no?"

At least one Madison alderwoman will be voting against the referendum, though. Judy Compton, who represents part of the city's eastside is outraged that residents have the nerve to try to tell her president what to do. Compton claims that the situation here in Madison is "worse than in the 60s and we should all be ashamed." She feels that the city has forced President Bush to make a decision that "just isn't right." Compton says that the troops should stay in Iraq "until the bitter end, whatever it takes."

Alderman Austin King, a key proponent of the referendum, is every bit as thrilled as Burns. He dismisses Compton's concerns as "petty politics."

President Bush could not be reached for comment, but a White House spokesperson states simply, "The president realizes that the liberals in Madison really do know best."

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