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Dane County Sheriff Gary Hamblin announced today that he will not run for reelection in 2007. Instead, he will pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a circus performer. Hamblin was offered a job with Barnum and Bailey Circus to start immediately upon the end of his current term as county sheriff.

Hamblin will travel with the circus beginning in early 2008 as part of the sideshow. He says that until then, he will focus on growing out his standard mustache into a full handlebar mustache to complete his travelling circus image. Hamblin's act will include singing along with an organ grinding monkey.

Hamblin will also serve as understudy to the circus's human cannonball. "This is the most exciting part of the job," says Hamblin. "After all these years of carrying a gun, I may actually have the opportunity to be fired out of one. I've always wondered what the bullet must feel like. Now I may get to find out."

There will be no gas allowed on West Mifflin Street for about 20 hours during the last weekend in April. Last night, Madison's City Council approved a temporary gas-free zone to cover the the area of the Mifflin Street Block Party.

Alderman Mike Verveer sponsored the proposal after being urged to do so by residents of the neighborhood and the Madison Police Department. Verveer explains, "All of the beer consumed at the party results in a lot of gas among party attendees. Last year, neighbors as far as 5 blocks away were made sick from the smell."

The penalty for those partaking in flatulence at the party is a ticket for up to $250. Repeat offenders or those who refuse to stop passing gas could be fined up to $1000 or spend the night in jail. Verveer recognizes that the punishment may seem harsh but says it is necessary to keep neighbors and partygoers safe.

Madison Police Chief Noble Wray expresses relief that the gas-free zone won approval. According to Wray, "Last year a certain UW football player farted directly in an officer's face. Such behavior is simply unacceptable. I hope that the fines for passing gas will prevent a similar situation at this year's party." Wray says that officers patrolling the party will be equipped with gas masks, just in case.

Madison's Common Council meeting tonight began with a rousing rendition of "150 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" led by Council President Paul Van Rooy. The song was sung in honor of Madison's 150th birthday as a city.

The resolution to sing the song was introduced by Alderman Paul Skidmore who stated that he usually doesn't like such "feel good ordinances," but was making an exception in this case because the 150th year as a city is such a special occassion and because beer is "a major influence for me and others here in Madison."

Despite objections from Alderman Ken Golden, who protested the length of the song and subsequently the length of the meeting, the Council voted nearly unanimously, with Golden as the sole dissentor, to sing the song in its entirety. The whole song from 150 down to no more bottles of beer on the wall took more than 2 hours to complete. Mayor Dave Cieslewicz interrupted briefly mid-song to remind the Council that he had not yet eaten dinner.

Skidmore suggested to the mayor that he grab a bottle or two of beer from the wall, reminding him that "those carbs can be quite filling." Cieslewicz politely declined and continued singing along with the group. The rumblings of the mayor's stomach could be heard loudly over the melodic harmony in the Council chambers.

Changes to Madison Metro routes will be the topic of conversation at neighborhood meetings later this week. Due to increased gas prices, Metro will cut down on fuel usage by cutting some routes on alternating days. The new proposal calls for eastbound busses to run only on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Westbound routes will run Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Under the new plan, no busses would run on Sundays.

Madison Metro wants to hear from residents regarding these route changes. Public hearings will be held later this week for that purpose. Though some point out that the new routes leave commuters stranded once they reach their destinations, Madison Metro General Manager Catherine Debo believes the proposed changes will not hurt ridership. Debo claims, "I don't get what the problem is. At least you will still be able to get where you are going. It will be up to the rider to find their own way home."

Let Metro know what you think of the proposed changes. Meetings will be held on the second Tuesday, third Wednesday, and fourth Thursday of this week at locations throughout the city.

The Greater Madison Chamber of Commerce has launched a new campaign to "stop the pancakes" in Madison. According to the group's Executive Director Jennifer Alexander, the group wants to put an immediate end to pancake breakfasts held as fundraisers by churches, schools, and other civic groups. Some Chamber members are upset that these pancake breakfasts are drawing business away from Madison restaurants that serve breakfast.

Alexander says the city allows far too many of these fundraising events, and the Chamber's members are tired of it. "First it was bake sales, and then there were spaghetti dinners and ice cream socials. Now businesses have to contend with pancake breakfasts, too. What's next? French Fry Fridays? Mashed Potato Madness? Madison must stop the pancakes before it's too late!"

Chamber members and their supporters gathered today at Monty's Blue Plate Diner to officially kick off the "Stop the Pancakes" campaign. The owner of Monty's told his story of lost profits when a nearby church began its monthly pancake breakfast. "Each time one of these things is held, we lose more than 3% of our profits for the day. I've had to cut staff hours on the first Sunday of each month as a direct result of the pancakes. I don't want to start laying off employees, but that's what it's coming down to. Stop the pancakes before it's too late." A young entrepeneur said that she plans to open up an Italian restaurant in Fitchburg because the competition from spaghetti dinners is too steep in Madison.

Other groups have joined the Chamber in its campaign including the Wisconsin Restaurant Association, the Wisconsin Tavern League, the Fitchburg and Middleton Chambers of Commerce, the Common Sense Coalition, and others. According to the Greater Madison Chamber of Commerce Director of Public Policy Delora Newton, each of these groups is committed to protecting Madison's small businesses. Newton closed the event by leading attendees in a chant of "Stop the Pancakes! Stop the Pancakes! Before it's too late! Stop the Pancakes!"

Commuters on East Washinton Avenue have enjoyed a hiatus from construction headaches throughout the winter. Now that spring is coming, drivers will again have to endure traffic hassles as construction begins again on March 6.

The city has made a slight change of plans since the construction began over a year ago. Due to complications in widening the road caused by underground power lines, the road will instead be converted to a one-way street heading west. An announcement from the City of Madison explains that East Washinton is a gateway to Madison and not out of Madison, so the modification meshes well with the city's goals for the area. The change does mean additional construction of at least one year.

Neighborhood residents are upset by the change. Marquette Neighborhood Association President Marsha Rummel claims that neighbors were not consulted about the new plan. "Making the street one-way means that people will come into our neighborhood but will not be able to leave. We will be flooded with confused motorists who can't find their way out on the side streets." Rummel also indicates that the changes are contradictory to the neighborhood plan approved for the area.

The change in plans has brought development along the corridor to an immediate halt. Developers are concerned that it will be difficult to attract businesses to the area if their customers can only get in but not out. The city has not made any plans to run a nearby road the opposite direction, meaning that commuters will essentially be held hostage in the central part of the city, as very limited alternate routes heading west are available.

Alderwoman Judy Olson who represents some of the area near East Washington Avenue was also unaware of the changes. Olson says that she will look into the change immediately but will not form an opinion until she has all of the details available to her.

The Common Sense Coalition announced today that the group will support three candidates in the upcoming spring county board races. According to Common Sense Coalition leader, Ray Allen, "We have chosen a diverse group of 3 candidates to endorse. The combined life experience within this group is amazing."

The group's endorsments include Mickey Mouse, the incumbent supervisor in District 15, and newcomers Daisy Duck and Goofy for Districts 23 and 24 respectively. Allen explains, "The Common Sense Coalition looked for leadership skills, relevant life experience, and diversity in its endorsement selection. We avoided those interested in 'politics as usual'."

Allen describes Mickey Mouse, the Coalition's choice for District 15, as a natural born leader. "He was the leader of the Mickey Mouse Club before he was 30. The club folded after a few years, but Mickey proved his dedication by reviving it and again serving as its leader nearly 20 years later." Mickey Mouse is also an entrepeneur and businessman, having done everything from building his own airplane to running a steamboat company.

Choosing Daisy Duck for District 23 adds a bit more diversity to the Common Sense Coalition roster. Allen claims that Daisy is reflective of the diversity of the district and adds, "Not only is she a duck, but she's also a woman. It doesn't get much more diverse than that." Daisy has been active in her community, planning and hosting fundraisers for the Chit Chat Society.

The Common Sense Candidate for District 24 can best be described as loyal according to Allen. "Pluto is a peacemaker and real consensus builder. Pluto gets along with everyone, as if he is man's best friend. We need that kind of loyalty on the County Board to get past the petty politics." Allen adds that his heart "just melts" every time Pluto licks his face.

Police were called to the East Mifflin Street home of Madison Alderwoman Brenda Konkel early Thursday morning after receiving reports of a disturbance at the home. The police report states that a woman broke into Konkel's home at 5:15 this morning ranting about an alleged affair between Konkel and the woman's husband.

The suspect is married to Madison developer, Gary Gorman. She told police that she became enraged when she found email messages on her husband's computer in which Konkel professes her love for Gorman. She stated that she found more than 100 emails sent by Konkel to Gorman and many more sent by Gorman to Konkel, and that some of the messages were "sexually explicit" and referred to late nights the two had spent together.

Upon reading the emails, the suspect allegedly drove to Konkel's home where she broke in through a rear window and threatened Konkel with a knife. Neighbors called police after hearing glass shatter. Police arrived to find the suspect pointing the knife at Konkel while screaming at her and threatening her. Officers had to fire a taser to subdue the enraged suspect.

Konkel admits to the affair which began nearly two years ago but which she claims abruptly came to an end earlier this week when Gorman told her that she just wasn't investing enough in the relationship. Konkel would like Gorman to leave his wife and claims, "I'm doing everything I can to win him back. We had something special together, and I can't believe he'd give that up after spending two years building our relationship."

Gorman also admits to having a "brief affair" with Konkel but refused to comment further on the nature of their relationship. He did add, "The whole thing was a big mistake. I've ended the affair and am going to put my energy into repairing my relationship with my wife." Gorman posted bail for his wife late this afternoon. She has been charged with one count of breaking and entering, one count of disorderly conduct, and one count of assault with a dangerous weapon.

At next Tuesday's City Council meeting, west side Alderman Jed Sanborn will introduce legislation to repeal Newton's First Law of Motion within the City of Madison. Currently, the law states that an object in motion will stay in motion and an object at rest will stay at rest unless sufficient force acts upon it. Sanborn claims that the law if flawed because it does not take friction into consideration.

"Newton's first law has been tried in other places, and it just doesn't work," says Sanborn. He cites application of the law in California as a miserable failure. Sanborn calls the law "idealistic" and based on false assumptions. "Newton may have had good intentions, but he didn't take friction into consideration when passed his first law of motion. No matter how you look at it, the law is a failure."

As a firm believer in freedom, Sanborn also claims that Newton's law is unnecessary regulation of motion. "This is also about basic rights. An object should be free not to remain at rest or remain at motion should it choose otherwise. It's time we stop regulating freedom."

This is Sanborn's fourth repeal attempt since being elected just under one year ago. Though his proposals to repeal Boyle's Law, Einstein's Law of Relativity, and the Pythagorean Theorem all failed to garner enough votes, he will continue to fight against laws he doesn't like.

Even if the repeal of Newton's First Law of Motion does not pass, Sanborn plans to introduce another repeal in upcoming months. "Next, I plan to work on repealing the Laws of Gravity. The sky is falling on Madison, and eliminating gravity is the only way to stop the damage."