Pure Madnesson
News and politics from Madison, Wisconsin... with a twist. Everything contained herein is intended as satire. Please do not take it too seriously. It's pure madness!
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Streaker Disrupts Council Meeting
Tonight's Madison City Council meeting was delayed for about an hour as police tried to subdue a masked man who streaked through the room totally naked. At this time, the man's motive is unknown. According to Madison Police Department spokesman Mike Hanson, "Though his intentions remain unclear, based on his chosen venue it appears he was trying to make some sort of political statement."
Mayor Cieslewicz described the scene as utter mayhem. The man entered the Council chambers wearing nothing but a Zach Brandon mask. He ran in circles around the room shouting, "Size doesn't matter!" The Mayor declined to comment on whether he thought the size comment had anything to do with Alderman Brandon or on the size of the streaker himself.
Alderwoman Cindy Thomas reacted, "Wow, at first I thought it really was Alder Brandon streaking through the room. I guess I was pretty disappointed that it wasn't really him. I mean, I've always been curious." Meanwhile, Alderwoman Judy Compton simply called the event "a bit frightening" and said she'd "never seen anything quite like it before."
Police eventually subdued the man through the use of a taser. Officers tried to avoid using such force but just couldn't get a grip on him any other way. Hanson explains, "Getting a hold of a naked individual just isn't that easy." Former Alderman Andy Heidt, present at the meeting to testify on Inclusionary Zoning, is asking for a formal investigation to determine if the use of a taser was really necessary. While serving on the City Council, Heidt had introduced legislation forbidding taser usage.
The masked streaker has been identified as Phil Salkin, lobbyist for the Wisconsin Realtors Association, who was arrested and released earlier this week for criminal damage to property after tagging IZ homes with red spray paint. Though he carried no identification while streaking the meeting, the red paint on his hands helped officers ascertain his true identity.
It is unknown why Salkin chose a Zach Brandon mask. He also has not explained his comments about size, but pressure over changes to and possible repeal of the Inclusionary Zoning ordinance lead some to predict he was referring to the size of IZ units and not Zach Brandon's unit.