Pure Madnesson
News and politics from Madison, Wisconsin... with a twist. Everything contained herein is intended as satire. Please do not take it too seriously. It's pure madness! . Email Pure Madnesson at puremadnesson@yahoo.com.Archives
January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 January 2007
Monday, February 20, 2006
Campus Area Primary Cancelled
In the spirit of the UW Madison's time honored tradition of binge drinking, the scheduled Tuesday's primary election for District 5's Dane County Board representative has been cancelled in lieu of a beer drinking contest. The two top finishers in the contest will move on to the general election to represent the the campus area on the County Board. It has not yet been determined whether an actual election or another drinking contest will be held. That decision will be up to the two candidates who make it through tomorrow's challenge.
Ashok Kumar and David Lapidus are the favorites in the contest. Kumar has been preparing by doing beer bongs at his fraternity house, and Lapidus has been seen almost nightly at the downtown bar Madisons. Adam Korn has done a few trial runs against Kumar, but has been unable to keep up with Kumar's talent. The fourth candidate, Sean Cornelius, has not been seen drinking on campus at all in the months preceding the primary. The other three candidates all believe it likely that Cornelius will not show up at all on Tuesday.
The beer drinking contest will take place at the Rathskeller in Memorial Union and will begin promptly at 7:00 a.m. when the polls open throughout the rest of Madison. The candidates will each slam a 16 ounce beer every 15 minutes until 8:00 p.m. when the polls closed or until all four have passed out. If more than one is left standing at 8:00, the timeframe will revert to one beer every 15 seconds until a winner has been determined. Poll workers will be on hand to ensure the validity of the competition, and the top two finishers will advance to April's election.
Ashok Kumar and David Lapidus are the favorites in the contest. Kumar has been preparing by doing beer bongs at his fraternity house, and Lapidus has been seen almost nightly at the downtown bar Madisons. Adam Korn has done a few trial runs against Kumar, but has been unable to keep up with Kumar's talent. The fourth candidate, Sean Cornelius, has not been seen drinking on campus at all in the months preceding the primary. The other three candidates all believe it likely that Cornelius will not show up at all on Tuesday.
The beer drinking contest will take place at the Rathskeller in Memorial Union and will begin promptly at 7:00 a.m. when the polls open throughout the rest of Madison. The candidates will each slam a 16 ounce beer every 15 minutes until 8:00 p.m. when the polls closed or until all four have passed out. If more than one is left standing at 8:00, the timeframe will revert to one beer every 15 seconds until a winner has been determined. Poll workers will be on hand to ensure the validity of the competition, and the top two finishers will advance to April's election.
posted by Pure Madness<> # 11:55 PM 
