Pure Madnesson

News and politics from Madison, Wisconsin... with a twist. Everything contained herein is intended as satire. Please do not take it too seriously. It's pure madness! . Email Pure Madnesson at puremadnesson@yahoo.com.

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

 

Council Meetings to Mirror Gong Show

Mayor Dave Cieslewicz will introduce an ordinance at Tuesday night's Common Council meeting that will allow a gong to be used to end any alderperson's remarks at any time. The ordinance is modeled after the 1970s NBC game show called The Gong Show. On the television program, one of three judges could stop a talent show performer's painful act immediately by striking a gong.

According to the mayor, his proposed ordinance would work just like the game show. However, one of 20 alderpeople or the mayor himself could strike the gong to end another alderperson's speech. Mayor Cieslewicz plans to place the proposed gong at the back of the Council Chambers so alders could simply slip to the back of the room to give it a clang.

Asked what inspired this ordinance, the mayor simply responded, "Alderwoman Judy Compton." Upon further probing, the mayor admitted that Compton's constant ramblings "grate on my last nerve," making specific reference to her particularly lengthy speech in the wee hours of the morning prior to the council's vote on repeal of the smoking ban.

Cieslewicz believes his proposal could be useful in many circumstances. "When Alderman Golden gets going with one of his pointless tirades to ruin perfectly good legislation or Alderman Palm grandstands about absolutely nothing, one strike of the gong would put an immediate end to it."

The ordinance currently has only one co-sponsor, Alderwoman Lauren Cnare. Cnare states that she is pleased to support any good proposal made by the mayor. According to mayoral spokesman George Twigg, the mayor expects other alderpeople to sign on as co-sponsors as soon as they realize the real value of the gong. Twigg says, "The ability to simply shut up a rambling colleague is powerful. Others will realize the benefits of such power."

If the ordinance passes for the City of Madison, Dane County Board Chairman Scott McDonnell plans to introduce similar legislation for the county. McDonnell explains, "As long as the gong will be there anyway, we might as well take advantage of it." Instead of calling it a gong ordinance, though, McDonnell plans to propose it as the "Blaska Rule" named for the county's most infamous grandstander.

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