Pure Madnesson

News and politics from Madison, Wisconsin... with a twist. Everything contained herein is intended as satire. Please do not take it too seriously. It's pure madness! . Email Pure Madnesson at puremadnesson@yahoo.com.

Archives

January 2006   February 2006   March 2006   April 2006   May 2006   January 2007  

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

 

Kumar Outdrinks Competition in Campus Race

Ashok Kumar earned his spot on the April ballot for County Board in District 5 by outdrinking all three of his opponents in yesterday's campus beer chugging competition held in place of a traditional primary election. Kumar drank almost double his next closest competitor, David Lapidus who will also appear on the April ballot.

As predicted, Sean Cornelius dropped out of the competition early. Adam Korn also could not keep up with what he called "the big dogs" and only made it through the first 3 hours of the competition before spending the rest of the day worshipping the porcelain god. Lapidus and Kumar drank tirelessly until about 1:00 p.m. when Lapidus showed his first signs of serious drunkeness, but Kumar still appeared unaffected. Despite slurring his words and falling out of his chair twice, Lapidus continued chugging a beer every fifteen minutes until 2:15 when he passed out.

Kumar continued drinking until the polls (and the Rathskeller) closed at 8:00 p.m. Memorial Union officials report that throughout the course of the day, the competitors polished off more than a full half barrel of beer. All four candidates drank Miller Light in hopes that light beer would be less filling and easier to consume in large quantities.

Kumar and Lapidus will compete again in April's general election. If both candidates agree, the race could be decided by another drinking contest. At this time, Kumar says he would like to do it again but suggests using shots of hard alcohol instead of beer. "I'm up for it," says Kumar. "I can drink him under the table anytime." Lapidus, who ended up spending the night in detox, says he will need some time to decide but will likely request a traditional election.

Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?